BEE-live in God Book

The year was 1967 my age - just 4 years old and I was laying in a hospital bed in a full body cast. My prognosis wasn't good. I needed to make it through the first critcial hours the doctors told my mother. If I made it through those then I would have a chance to live. To walk though was another doubt the doctors had.

You see I had tagged along with my older brother who was of age to drive and had a job selling ice-cream to the neighborhood kids. At one of his stops I sat on the bottom step in front of the sliding door and placed my legs out on the curb. I didn't think anything of it and neither did my brother until there was a bump and a scream. Once the vehicle was placed in drive and began rolling forward the force pulled me out of the truck so quickly that it happened within seconds. I was flipped under the truck where the back wheels cruched my back, pelvis, hips and arms missing my head by just inches.

While in the hospital one night my mother brought a man in to sleep with her. While in there they had intercourse in my hospital room. This would be only one of many memories I would have of this stanger who became my stepfather shortly after.

From the age of 4 to the age of 14 I was sexually abused by this man and other men in his family. He also had a friend who lived down the road from us who one night invited my younger sister and I to spend the night with him and his wife. I slept on the outside of the bed that night and put my baby sister on the inside. Several hours after falling asleep I woke with my legs dangling off the side of the bed with my panties off. The man was kneeling in front of me with his man part rubbing it up and down my privates. I was able to push him away and made it to the bathroom, not knowing what to do once I was done. Later as I grew up I shared this with my little sister. Even though I didn't like what happened to me and I know that God didn't make that happen I would rather that have happened to me than to my little sister. I wanted to protect her.

Jumping years ahead I am now 14 a Freshman in high school. My mother was out of town due to a family death. My step father came into my room and crawled into my bed. I began screaming because I wanted to wake up my little sister. She did wake up and she did come to my room. My step father left my room. That day I skipped all my classes staying in the girls restroom at school crying in one of the stalls. Finally a teacher of mine came in and noticed that I had been there the entire day. She begin talking to me and I shared with her what had been going on for the last 10 years. She walked me to the principals office where I had to share my story again. CPS was called in and came to talk with me. But for some reason my step father picked me up that day from school. I was afraid. My mom was also coming home and we had to pick her up. That night there was a big argument between my mother and my step father. He eventually left. My mother's heart was broken. My life had changed within seconds again. From that moment on my relationship with my mom was rocky. We fought all the time. She accused me of being pregnant each month when I would start my cycle. My cramps were so bad that I would throw up from them which led her to believe I was pregnant. I wanted to be loved so bad. I wanted to feel loved.

I share this with you because I know now love. I know the love of Christ and the love of his father. Our father in heaven can not be compared to the father or fathers we have in this world. God's love is so much greater and his love will not harm us.

Because of the love and grace of Christ I have forgiven the men who did things they shouldn't have been doing to me. I have forgiven my mother for turning the other cheek and not doing something about the abuse I was receiving. I never would have thought that at this time in my life I would be caring for my mom but I am. But it is because of the healing that Christ has given me along with the lessons of forgiveness that he has taught me that I am where I am today.

Each day I am blessed by the smile my mother greets me with when I go to help her out of bed. Each day I am blessed by God when her arms go around me and hug me as I pull her panties (diapers) up and dress her. Each day God wows me with the love I have for my mother, the kind of love he has for me. Unconditional love.

My mom has alzheimer's. She doesn't always know who I am but she does trust me. She knows I care for her and that I love her very much.

If you have been a victim of abuse I ask you to look to God for healing. He can heal the deep wounds that you have. He can heal the nightmares that plague you. He can teach you forgiveness so that you can stop being the victim and move on with life.

There is more to my life story. I would love to share it with you. Please know....I am here if you need to talk. Christ took me from the dirty, mirkyness of my life and washed me clean as snow. He can do the same for you if you will just let him.

Renea Riley
rriley3399@verizon.net

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