BEE-live in God Book

A bride at 52 years of age! Who would have believed that after 30+ years of silence and separation, I would marry the man I was engaged to in my senior year in high school?

We were both Christians -- best friends and imagined spending the rest of our lives together. He proposed to me at the beach one warm summer day in California and placed a diamond ring on my finger when I calmed down long enough to whisper a "yes." I must have worn the ring for 3 weeks before my grandmother noticed it one Sunday afternoon while we were returning from church with my mother, who was driving, and my younger brother.

"What is that on your finger?" She asked matter-of-factly, not even turning her head to look at me in the back seat. Finally given the opportunity to verbalize my excitement, I beamed -- "It's an engagement ring, NaNa! Kenny and I are engaged!" "AN ENGAGEMENT RING? OH, MY LORD." I thought she was about to have a coronary right then and there. The car swerved as my mother turned her heard from the road and looked at me as if to say "And, when were you planning to tell me?!" Knowing that this was not the time for escalating emotions on my part or especially my 62 year old grandmother, she regained her composure, saying "We'll talk about this later." My grandmother never regained her composure. It was a 20-minute ride home and the entire trip was only interrupted by her "Oh, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.." in a tearful, unfamiliar tone I had never heard from her.

The next day, a caucus was held and Kenny was summoned to my father's "court" for immediate examination. I was segregated into a separate room with my mother while my father talked to Kenny. It seemed like days, instead of hours, went by, but all I could remember was the look on Kenny's face and I knew he had folded under pressure! I was hurt and angry because the decision had been made that we would wait to get married, and I was not even consulted. It was a "gentleman's agreement" of which I nor my mother had a part.

Kenny and I never really ended our relationship in a tearful or angry confrontation. At first, he was planning to attend Arizona State on scholarship and the next thing I knew he was telling me he had joined the Air Force and was headed to basic traning. He was shipped off to Guam and we wrote letters for awhile. I don't remember when I removed the ring or where I put it, but it was lost along with what I believed was my storytale ending.

Every significant relationship with a man, three marriages and four children later, was a disappointment. It was not until the third divorce, multiple therapy and recovery group sessions later that I realized that since the loss of the love of my life, I had become emotionally hardened, guarded and never let any man really know me. I just became what I thought they need as I believed I was not enough to be truly loved just as I was.

After a lengthy separation, from a Christian minister, and realizing that my children and I had been abandoned, I was lost. I asked Christ to guide me and not until I felt a release from that marriage, did I divorce my third husband. Yet, on a particularly lonely and tearful, evening, I prayed an "angry but I still love you" prayer -- "Why couldn't You have let me marry the love of my life? Why have You denied me the experience of living my life with the one person who truly loved me?" I remember praying and crying for hours, until I apologized to The Lord for questioning His judgment and then fell sleep.

Over a year later, I went to a 50th birthday party for an old high school friend whose cousin I had run into at the local taco stand where all the kids would hang out after school. I started not to go as I had only promised to come because my mother had been close to all of my high school friends and was anxious to see them again. She "bowed out" at the last minute and I was all dressed up with no where to go, so I asked Jesus to be my date, and hoped for a quick entry and a more expedient exit.

It was a great party but I felt out of place. I saw a lot of people I knew in high school and it was great to enter into even a shallow conversation with other adults. Then there was a woman who approached me and was genuinely glad to see me! She knew my family, where I lived and I didn't even know who she was. I pretended to remember her so I wouldn't appear to be stuck up, and once we shared a bit about the joy of motherhood, she stopped suddenly. "I know someone who would love to know what has happened to you." Well, there were a few people I hoped would not remember me from high school and something in my gut began to turn until she said "Ken Rogers -- didn't you guys go together in high school?" It had been so long that I had heard his name, but an involuntary smile crept to my face. I ran into his best friend once who told me that he had married as was living in Germany, but I tried not to think of him anymore and had been pretty successful until that moment. I gave her my number on the condition that she would not give it to him if he was married or otherwise "seriously involved" with someone. She told me that her family and Kenny's had been close over the years, but that it had been some time since she had heard anything about him. She was not sure if he was in the States or in Europe, having stayed in the Air Force for many years.

Well, I'm sure you will understand that there is something about true love that never dies and we once in contact again, we resumed our friendship and I felt I was "safe!" He lived in Washington, DC and I lived in California. I just thanked the Lord that I had the best of both worlds -- Jesus was my best friend and He had given me back my earthly best friend! After months of talking every single night, we agreed to meet again. The moment our eyes met, we admitted later that we would have married each other that night!! The Lord gave us time to heal from our prior hurts and used each of us to encourage the other to grow spiritually and emotionally. We had a beautiful wedding, family reunion and class reunion all at once in October 2007, I moved to Washington, DC and we thank The Lord each day for answering even the angry prayer of His daughter. The Lord takes pleasure in bringing us joy and contentment when we are finally able to say, "Lord, it's just you and me!"

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