BEE-live in God Book

I am what you would call a "wilderness Christian". I did not grow up in the church, but rather in the world outside of it. My father had no use for the church and my mother had become somewhat of a lost sheep since her later teen years. The only time we discussed faith was when my father would gloat over some scandal within the local churches. I had been taught that you always watch out for number one.

Life didn't get any better. During my teen years my parents got divorced and I felt more and more alone. When I graduated from High School, I enlisted in the United States Marine Corps. During boot camp at Parris Island, I had my first dose of religion. On Sunday, we were allowed to attend church services. Actually, it was more of a chance to hide from the drill instructors more than most of us ever sought out God.

Needless to say, I was a pretty cynical guy. I felt God had his place, and I had mine. I left his church alone, and he would leave me alone.

After I completed my term of service to the Marines, I came back home to Indiana. There I met my true wife. We got married, had children, and started our life together.

My wife had been raised in church, but had lost contact with her relationship with God during her teen years. Many times she had expressed an interest in trying to re-find her faith. Finally, her and a friend decided to begin a Bible study in our home. I remember how excited they were in their pursuit to reconnect to God's Word. I sat in the other room and listened to them the entire night. The next time they met, as I sat listening to them, I came to realize that my children were listening to them as well. I suddenly became aware that as the spiritual head of my household... I was severely lacking. I went out the next day and I purchased some books. I had decided that while my wife and her friends sought out God in their live, I would do the same with my children. One night, as I was researching some spiritual websites, I came across one that had a free online movie about the story God was trying to tell. As I watched it, for the first time in my life I heard the gospel of Jesus Christ...and it hit home.

I came to realize that up to that point in my life, the only thing I had ever accomplished was to become "religious", but what God was wanting from me was a "relationship". I watched as the story of God's love for us unfolded in the arrival of His Son Jesus. I watched as the reality hit me that Jesus did not come for those that are perfect or holy...but He came for those that are weary, broken, and full of pride. I then realized that I was weary of trying to live life on my own terms, that there was something inside of me that was missing...broken; and I could not fix it, and most of all I was convicted that my own pride was going to be my damnation if I did not grasp the hand of Jesus that was reaching out to me.

I raised my face to Heaven as hot tears ran down my cheeks. I told God I was sorry, I thanked him for not giving up on me, and I asked Jesus to please come into my heart and be the Lord and Savior of my life. I remember walking into the other room and my wife couls tell something was different about me. I told her what I had just done, but it is so hard to explain the utter renewal I could feel happening in my heart.

I felt love---I felt peace---I finally felt...complete.

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